Parenting Q&A with Dr. Hale Akamine
This past Sunday GBCK featured a Q&A session with Dr. Hale Akamine as part of our Parental Guidance series. Over the past few weeks people submitted their parenting questions for Hale which he answered live on Sunday.
Here are some highlights:
Question: How do I talk to my child about sex?
Answer: Talk about sex in the context of a loving relationship between a husband and wife. Help your child understand sex as a part of a healthy marriage.
Question: At what age do I talk to my child about sex?
Answer: A suggested age is between 10-12 years old.
Question: At what age is it appropriate to date?
Answer: It's important to note that the human brain doesn't fully form its logical thinking abilities until age 24. Yet, the male reaches his sexual peak at age 17. So, to pair up your children in a dating situation puts them together when sexual urges are the strongest, yet their ability to reason isn't yest developed. It's suggested to encourage group activities when interacting with the opposite sex.
Question: When do I let my child quit an activity? What's the difference between teaching perseverance and being too driving?
Answer: First, ask why you desire your child to remain in an activity. Is it because you never played the sport, instrument, etc. that you want them to? If your child is losing interest, it's a good idea to put an end date to the activity and evaluate whether your child wants to continue.
These are just a few of the questions answered by Dr. Hale. You can listen to the full Q&A here under "Rock the Doc".
Doing Bad Stuff
(The Goal of Parenting, part 3)
Julie is really good about doing a breakfast devotional with the boys. She reads from a daily devotional and then asks them questions and gets them to respond.
Today I did the devotional, and guess what it was about? Yep, sin.
So, how do you talk to kids about sin? (Go here to read about why we need to teach children about sin.)
If you ask my kids what sin is they will tell you it's "doing bad stuff." This is a typical response, not just for kids, but for adults too. But is sin really just about not doing bad stuff? If so, then we can deal with sin by changing our behavior. As the saying goes, "don't dance, don't drink, don't smoke, don't chew, and don't go out with girls who do."
However, the problem of sin goes beyond behavior modification; it's not about doing bad stuff. If we deal with sin by simply changing our behavior then who needs Jesus? All one needs is discipline, or inspiration, or a good therapist, or a strong mind, etc.
The problem of sin is that we cannot deal with sin. There is nothing we can do to save ourselves from sin. Even really good people who recycle, vote, use their blinkers on the freeway, and listen to Christian radio can't save themselves.
So when we teach our kids about sin, it's not only about doing bad stuff. Yes, let's correct bad behavior, but we must also teach them that we are lost in our sin and that no amount of good behavior can ever correct our sin.
At breakfast I recalled the story about Aaron nearly drowning at Ko'olina. That got their attention. I reminded them that no matter how hard Aaron tried he couldn't get his head above water. And just as mommy saved Aaron, so did Jesus save us.
I believe that when this really sinks in to our kids, when they really begin to understand in their hearts what Jesus did for us, it's the beginning of a lifelong journey of loving God.
And let me add, I know it sounds like Leave it to Beaver sitting at breakfast and talking about deep biblical truths, but it's not. In the middle of daddy's teaching are lots of burps, butt jokes, and general mayhem.
This is why we must teach them and keep on teaching them. Teach them diligently and pray!
Stairway to Heaven
"God does not simply create the gift (The Gospel) and offer it to us, if we will only climb the stairway to heaven to get it; he brings it down to us, uncurls our ungrateful fingers, and places it in our hands." p. 108, The Gospel-Driven Life, Horton
To get something for nothing doesn't make sense to us. We are wired from an early age that if we do good things, we get good things. We carry this mindset into adulthood.
But the Gospel turns everything upside down. The Gospel says we get what we don't deserve. We get good (grace) even when we don't do good (sin). This idea violates every sense of justice in me. Good people should get good things, bad people shouldn't.
Through faith in Jesus Christ, grace is extended to us not because we are good people. We cannot stand on our own goodness, or our righteousness. No matter how good we are we cannot climb the stairway of heaven to access God's grace.
God lovingly stoops down to us. Pays the price for our sin and does for us what we could not do for ourselves: makes us righteous before God.
So, we must repent of our badness, but we also must repent of our goodness.
And rather than climb the stairs, we must simply receive the gift by faith.
Costly Grace
God's grace is free but it wasn't cheap. It's freely given to those who have faith in Jesus, but it cost God everything. I cheapen grace when I think it's a license to sin. "I can do whatever I want, God will forgive me." That's cheap grace. I also cheapen grace when I think grace is extended to me because of my discipline, morality, good deeds, etc. "Because I live a good life God will show me grace." More cheap grace.
To cheapen grace is to deny the deadliness of sin. If I live however I want (license to sin) I'm really saying that sin has no consequence or effect. If I live a moral, upright life in order to attain grace I'm really saying that I can control and conquer sin on my own merit.
It's when we truly understand sin's deadliness that we understand the amazing grace of God. We understand that grace doesn't move us toward wayward living, nor does it move us toward moralism; Grace moves us toward a Savior. Unrighteous living doesn't save, and righteous living doesn't save. Jesus saves.
Life’s measure
Every few months I measure the height of my three boys. I do it the old school way. No fancy tools or cartoon wall charts. I make them stand ramrod straight against the door jamb of my office with a book on their heads and note their height with a pencil. Then we stand back and ooooh and ahhhhh at how much they've grown. They are growing fast.
Have you ever thought about how much we humans measure things?
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